So you all know what I’m talking about, right? That moment when you suddenly “get it” and then you feel like such an idiot for not getting it earlier. That’s kind of how I’m feeling right now.
Little Man had another good day at Auntie M’s today (yay!) At least until it was time to leave and then he started in with calling me times, trying to hit, kick, bite, etc. It took about 5 minutes to calm him and then he was pretty good the rest of the evening. Not a huge tantrum and over fairly quickly, but it still nailed me in the gut. Partially, I’m sure, because it’s been a while since he’s thrown one.
Anyway, I was talking to a friend tonight and made the smart alec comment that I was going to go back to being the mean mom again because things were so much calmer back then.
The longer that thought rattled around in my head, the louder the “duh” got. For a while now I’ve been thinking, talking and hearing all this information about the importance of consistency, routines, etc. I kept thinking about changes like the divorce, daycare changes, time spent on PTA and Big Girl’s bball and could totally see how that was causing problems. Turns out I was missing (part of) the forest for the trees.
You see, since I really started to pull out of the depression, I’ve been on this mission to fix everything. I was so worried about how much damage I may have done while being “checked out” that I couldn’t, wouldn’t accept that I might have actually been doing something right during that time.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying depression is a good thing, I’m just saying that I may have thrown out the baby with the bathwater, so to speak.
I am affectionately known as the mean mom of the family. My sister still tells the story of fixing Big Girl a Dr. Pepper one night and when Big Girl said “Mommy won’t let me drink brown pop”, Aunt T promptly told her that she could drink whatever she wanted while at Auntie’s house. The TV wasn’t allowed on on school nights, bedtime (when at home) was 8:00 whether it was a weeknight or a weekend night, every meal was eaten at the table, we grocery shopped and cleaned house at the same time every week, played at the same time, there was very rarely any junk food in the house (candy, chips, pop-
tarts, fruit roll ups, etc were never bought) drink choices were water or milk. To say we had some serious routines and pretty strict rules would be putting it mildly.
When I started recovering, I started being “looser”. I started saying yes to more sleepovers, extra-curricular activities, “junk” food, fruity drinks, later weekend bedtimes, etc. Of course, since we often had friends over on Saturday mornings, our shopping/cleaning times became sporadic. More activities meant more meals “on the run”…
Y’all see what I’m seeing? In my attempt to give my kids “more” I’ve blown all the old routines and “mean mom” rules that kept everybody on an even keel.
The upshot of all this is that we had a family meeting to talk about it. Big Girl’s comment was that those days were “boring”, but she did admit that they were less stressful. We’ve decided to reinstitute the no-tv-on-school nights rule and start eating more meals at the table rather than on the run. We will finish out commitments already made while working on re-establishing some routines and basically just SLOW DOWN!
I say “hurry up, let’s go and we’re late” way too often. Ain’t a one of us built for sprinting. Some families thrive on that lifestyle, but MY family’s built more for walking.
It’s time to strap on my mean mom boots and re-prioritize.
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