I will repost this every year until I see him again...

“dear joshua,  i love you.  happy 5th birthday” 

 

It was the Year we became stationed in Hawaii.  One of the purposes of Doug and I becoming foster parents in 2003 was of hopefully adopting a baby boy. In the meantime  we fostered multiple kids at one time who were mainly infants who were born drug addicted or children who were neglected.

 

Hawaii has a mean drug population who tend to have a lot of children born addicted to crystal meth, a common drug used there. Many of the women who use crystal meth while pregnant believe that if they stop using the drug a few weeks before the birth, the doctors will not discover that they’ve been using.

 

They think the doctors discover the drug use through urine or blood tests.

Actually the infant’s very first “poop” is tested and this will tell the doctors exactly what the birth mom has been using for the last 6 months.

 

Joshua was a drug baby.

He was born the 9TH child of the same mother who used crystal meth. EVERY SINGLE ONE of this mother’s children were taken from her at birth.

 

*Is there anything more fun than having your baby’s first portraits taken?

Joshua was brought to our doorstep at 2 months old classified as “Risk adopt” which meant there was about a 99 % chance of him having to be adopted, and foster parents were considered first after his immediate birth family. When I held Joshua in my arms, I immediately bonded with him. He was perfect in every way. If I could’ve breast fed him, I would’ve. He was a cute little filipino/japanese heritage baby. Doug who is filipino was a perfect match daddy, looks wise.

 

*When we rode in the van, I’d turn around and pull his big toe and voila! the eight tooth grin showed up

*nothing’s better than a bottle and a nap on the beautiful beaches of Hawaii!

This baby was a JOY to us. We got to purchase his little wardrobe with money from the State of Hawaii. We witnessed his first roll over, his first foods, crawling, words, laugh, and steps. We brought him every where with us. His favorite was the beach!

 

*Don’t worry,  he’s got a lot of sunscreen on

*I think the sand not coming off him really annoyed him!

He had very little drug problems with delay in development. Whatever withdrawl he went through, he’d already withdrawn with his first fosters. He was a happy, content, chubby and smiley little baby. He liked to have kisses blown on his tummy, his toes pulled to make him laugh, and his first word, “om” (for mom) When Doug and I split up, a VERY difficult decision had to be made. Would we be selfish and adopt Josh and then split,

Or would we give him over to another loving 2 parent home? WE BOTH CRIED. He went to the other home before our separation. One day he was there, happy smiling and with us, a whole family. The next day, with his new adoptive family. It was an Unselfish decision following my own selfish decision. I got to meet his adoptive family. A well off BIG family of 5 other boys and 1 girl, Joshua would make the 7th child they’d adopted. A month after he was there, I came to see Joshua one last time.

 

January 2007 in Hawaii~My last day laying eyes on Joshua. 

He clung to his new daddy, and watched me warily. I finally got his attention, tempting him by letting him play with my cell phone. He had started running during the month he’d been there. I captured him and pinned him down on the carpet. “hug me” I said, “I love you Joshie”

He laughed and played with my cell phone.

His baby hair had begun to be replaced by big boy hair, and his daddy had dressed him similar to the next oldest boy, their 2 year old.

Cute. Since the last time I saw Josh, his dad has sent me one email with pictures. I have emailed him several times on his birthday, christmas , when I think of him… There’s a fine line between bugging the family and “inquring” of Josh. Where has all this retrospection taken me today? ~shoulda woulda coulda’s never helped anyone

~thinking of adopting? DO IT! the experience has helped me become a HUGE adoption advocate. Don’t go overseas to adopt. Adopt from your state foster parent program if possible.

Pregnant and can’t keep the baby? Do the honorable thing and find a precious family that will love your child more than you can ever imagine!!!!! A family that has been crying out for a baby of their own.

~Josh, I will always love you!!! My choice of separating with Doug cost me YOU. For this I will never live down, not in my whole life, will I ever forget you, but I never would have left if I didn’t truly believe you are in good and loving hands.

 

Hugs and kisses, Your second mommy.

[Via http://sweetiegirlz.wordpress.com]

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